EVERYTHING WAS GOING WELL UNTIL I FOUND THE CHOCOLATE COVERED PEANUT BUTTER BALLS

I knew this weekend would be a massive challenge in my eating clean diet (which I've been told I should call a lifestyle, not a diet because of the temporariness of a diet) and just generally not eating everything I see.  I also knew I'd have to cut myself some slack because it is Thanksgiving and my birthday today.   I wasn't going to totally deprive myself, but I didn't want to turn this weekend into a feeding frenzy either and undo all the work I have done in the last two weeks.

Everything has been going well so far, I even brought up some gluten free low cal snacks to avoid the temptation to plough through a bag of potato chips like fat kid after 3 months at fat camp.  Yes I was feeling quite proud that I was sticking very strongly to clean eating, even turned my nose up at a box of Tim bits (which for those of you non-Canadians, is sometimes called donut holes, but it's basically a small round donut.  If you don't know what a donut is I can't help you).  Then something tragic happened last night.  I had a run in with my arch-nemesis, chocolate.  It started innocently enough.  I had passed the candy dish on the coffee table several times since arriving here on Friday evening and hadn't given the round balls covered in a jack-o-lantern packaging much of a second look, but last night I though "oh what the heck, I've been good today."  So peeled off the pumpkin tinfoil wrapper and popped one in my mouth.  In that moment, that split second as I bit into the chocolate, something happened that transformed my night permanently.  I discovered there was a peanut butter centre.  I can now imagine what it must feel like to be an alcoholic and think, "it's okay I can just have one"  because one turned into two, turned into three and then I found there was cheddar cheese flavoured popcorn so I had a bowl of that, then two...  To hell with the healthy low cal snack I brought, they weren't covered in cheese powder and butter substitutions giving them a somewhat greasy flavour.   It wasn't pretty, I turned into a food-zilla monster.  I suppose it could have been worse, I could have cracked into the carmel candies or started eating the halloween themed smarties by the fistful, never the less I think I have my work cut out for me when I get home...

I'd like to wish everyone a happy, safe and glutenous Thanksgiving, even for those who don't celebrate it!

Cheers,


PS: I do not mean to make light of alcoholism.  It is a serious disease that took the lives of 3 of my grandparents and has claimed several other family members as well.  

WAITING ON A MAN

I said I was going to take a little hiatus from blogging over the weekend due to the inevitable business that comes with long weekends, however;  I find myself sitting here with nothing to do but wait.  Wait you ask?  What are you waiting for?  A very good question my astute reader, and I will answer.

Throughout the dawn of time there has been a fallacy created that women take forever to get ready.  I have been waiting for my dad to get showered and shaved and dressed for what seems like an eternity.  This, by no means, is an isolated event either I'm afraid.  So what's one man compared to the many you might ask, and again I would say a valid query.  Let me me harken back to May of 2012, while I was away from my office on a 3 week training expedition.  I was putting on the training, but have become friends with many of the trainees in question, who are largely male.  There is one female in the group.  Now we were all staying at the same hotel and would endeavour to go out for dinner together and what I found 100% of the time was that I would show up at the room of one of the males at the time that had been assigned for us to meet and find him freshly awoken from a nap or just about to get in the shower.  On one particular occasion, I was greeted at the door, by a colleague wearing nothing but a towel with a toothbrush in his mouth.  My female co-worker, on the other hand, was always ready on time.

What could possibly be taking you this long to get ready?  I know you have to shave your face, but I have two legs and a couple of armpits that require the razor treatment every 3rd - 4th day (this is varies largely depending on the season).  I also have hair that needs to be blow dried or styled in some manner so as not to cause small children to have nightmares or to send wild dogs into a fit of rage.  When I'm going out for a dinner I usually slap on a coat of make-up so as not to alarm the waiter.  All these things are time consuming, dare I say, more so then having to shave and shower, and yet even now, as I have typed this entire blog, my father remains still unready to attend the Elmvale Fall fair.

It is my firm belief that women have been getting the short end of this this stick for many years now and it is time we took a stand.  Men!  We are tired of waiting on you!

Cheers,

TURKEY LURKEY

Hello bloggosphere!

I type to you with renewed vigour!  For today marks the beginning of one of my favourite holidays.  The holiday where we are meant to give thanks and remember when the pilgrims and the natives sat and dined together which gives us all an excuse to eat way too much turkey, mashed potatoes, squash and pie, all smothered in gravy.  It's a weekend where laying on the couch with pants undone, while watching football is socially acceptable.  Traditionally cold and rainy and coinciding with the Elmvale Fall fair and more importantly, my birthday, this weekend gives us pause to think and be thankful for all the many things we have in our lives.  I would like to share with you some of those things now.

I am thankful for turkey's, for if they were not so delicious and juicy, this holiday would not be nearly as interesting.

I am thankful for long weekends, for if there were no long weekends what would we have to look forward too?  It's a long haul to Christmas now...

I am thankful for my cat, who threw up and crapped himself all the way to my parents house which is about a 2 hour drive.

I am thankful for power windows which helped with ventilation on the ride up.

I am thankful for the drivers who choose to clog up the highway tonight, allowing me to snake my way through the back roads with very little difficulty (minus the stench coming from the back seat, known as the cat).

I am thankful for stretchy pants, for they allow me to consume  more food then those restrictive jeans will allow.

I am thankful for grapes because grapes give us wine and I am REALLY thankful for wine.

I am thankful for beds, because without beds napping would really stink.

I am thankful for my blog readers, you are the reason I blog.

And finally, and most importantly, I am thankful for family and friends.  What would be the point of this holiday if there was no one to share it with?

So however, and wherever you're celebrating this weekend, I hope you are enjoying this last long weekend of the year (unless you're from another country who celebrates other holidays later in the year, then I just wish you a happy and fun filled weekend).  I hope you eat too much without being self-conscious, drink too much without getting hungover, and I hope you are wishing me a happy birthday on Sunday.

I'll likely be taking a little hiatus from the blog over the weekend as things get busy, but fear not, I am certain there will be much material to work with after spending an entire weekend with my parents.

Cheers,

THE BIG DAY

Today one of my closest friends is getting married and I truly hope that none of her friends read this post before the ceremony because it's going to be a surprise wedding.  Now I should explain that, against my wishes, but due to the nature and timing of the ceremony I am unable to attend.  My friend lives on the other side of the country and so, due to lack of funds for a flight and lack of time off from work I will not be there, but I expect a full recreation of the ceremony when I fly out to visit next summer.  You're going to want to tell your guests that after the ceremony.  They'll need to keep their outfits set aside for some time in July.  

Now the surprise ceremony.  My friend, and her soon to be hubby, who, by the way is a gem, decided they would invite their friends over for a bbq and then spring the surprise wedding on them.  Really I think it's a genius idea.  Imagine how nice it would be to go to a bbq, find out that your good friends are getting married and you had no idea so did not have to suffer the agonies of sitting through an awkward dinner with a table of people you don't know, and having to buy a new outfit or just wear something that isn't comfortable all night long.  And then there's the gift, what should I get?  Did I spend enough?  What if it's offensive?  No, I think the surprise wedding is a great idea.  My parents, on the other hand, would be less the thrilled.

So they are getting married and I am sad to not be there, but very happy for them.  But of course this has got me thinking about my seemingly permanent state of singledom.  I know she'll read this.  Don't freak out that I'm analyzing my life because you're getting married.  I did it when H&M got married and when L&L got married.  It's natural when you're friends start getting married and having kids to wonder when or even if your time will come.  Given my total lack of success in the dating department thus far, it seems like I'm standing at the foot of mountain wearing flip flops (thongs if you're from Australia, flip flops if you're not, just to be clear, this is not about underwear).  It's hard and a little depressing, but I'll soldier on because I have too.  I mean, what's the alternative?  I could just lay down on the couch in a velour track suite and wait for my inevitable demise, or I can use this opportunity to be motivated, go out and find me a man!

But seriously, weddings, child births, other major life events of which I can think of no examples, they get you thinking about you don't they?  Today I listened to an interview of a 24 year old blogger who has a blog, and now subsequent book (sidebar, maybe I could have a book someday!) called F*ck! I'm in my twenties.  It made me laugh at first.  She's 24 and life didn't turn out like she planned.  I felt like saying "are you kidding me! welcome to life!" There's no script, no rules, no set course in life and as far as I can tell it doesn't change when you get out of your 30's.  There's always something more to strive for isn't there?  I mean, what would be the point of sitting down and saying "well I have everything I ever wanted and there is nothing left for me to achieve."  You know who says that?  People who are done living.  I think it would be quite boring to say "this is exactly how I expected it to be so now I can stop working to get the things I want."  So its not all roses and peaches and cream and other things that smell and or taste good, but in adversity we find our best selves.

And so, while my friends are getting married in a little more then an hour in a surprise ceremony that I hope I don't ruin, I ponder that age old question: Is the milk still good 3 days after the best before date?  No that's not it, a valid question, but not what I'm thinking.  Well It's a little what I'm thinking, but the bigger question is where do I go from here?  I guess only time will tell...

Cheers,

JUST A LITTLE OFF THE TOP

Today was a day I have been long awaiting.  It is a day that can make or break a woman, a day that we await for anxiously, and yet tentatively, all at the same time.  Yes, it was hair appointment day.  And as I sat in the chair enjoying my complimentary scalp massage thinking "I wonder if this is good for your scalpulation" which I actually meant to think circulation, but was so relaxed I made a new word,  another thought occurred to me.  And that is this:  the base difference between men and women can be summed up in a hair cut.  That is unless the man is very metrosexual, then probably this applies to him too.  I have the good fortune of working with predominately men, and by predominately I mean there is me and two other women, both of whom could probably take any one of the guys on any given day.  Working with mostly men has many up sides, for one, the women's washroom is almost always free and clear of activity, and for another, you don't tend to get a lot of whispering behind each other's back or sneering at each other's outfits.  I am lucky if they notice I am wearing clothes at all.  Ok, I am pretty sure they'd notice if I came to work naked, but I could probably wear a potato sack and not get a second look.  On the flip side of this I have to work with all men, and men do not think like women at all.  For a man, farting at any age is funny, the louder the better, and if you should be so lucky to obtain an odour ,well that's just icing on the cake.  The jokes are more crass, and if you are not willing to be made fun of or be the butt of the odd practical joke, then its best if you avoid working with all men.  Now clearly there have been studies done on the differences between men and women for centuries by people who are much more qualified then I am, but I feel that I should wade into these murky waters anyway.  What could one more opinion/observation hurt?

The reason the hair cut got me thinking is because, as I was being massaged, and rinsed and pampered and straightened, I tried to imagine any one of the men I work with sitting in the hair dresser chair I was sitting in and I couldn't.  They'd be riggling in the chair like an ADHD child who forgot to take their ritalin for the day, and they'd be looking at their watches asking "how much longer is this going to take?"   I remember several months ago one of the guys complaining that he had to spend $25 on a hair cut and that it was an out rage.  If somebody told me they could cut my hair for $25 I'd tell them to take the butcher knives they were passing off as scissors and get the hell away from my hair. A woman's hair is a big deal.  A bad cut can be a life and death situation, it can dictate the tone for the rest of the year.  Women readers are all nodding their heads, while men are thinking "it's just hair, it will grow back."  Don't worry ladies, even if you shaved your head bald he likely wouldn't notice anyway.  I chopped 6" off my hair in the summer and my dad informed me he didn't really see a difference.  Half a foot of hair gone and it looked exactly the same to him.  It's not like I had long hair to begin with....

Now I've got off into the weeds here a bit in my hair-rantings.  I guess what I'm trying to say is women like getting their hair cut.  It makes us feel like queen's for a day (not in the pride parade kind of way, or maybe it does for some, who am I to judge), but for men, hair is just hair and if they could find a trained monkey to cut it for a banana and nickel, they'd be just as happy.

Ever wondered what 9 pumpkin pies and 7.5 dozen butter tarts looked like?

Now you don't need to wonder anymore...

Cheers,

A LESSON IN MANNERS

Am I the only one who's noticed that manners seem to be sliding out the back door like the mailman when hubby comes home unexpectedly from work?  Are we all so wrapped up in our cyber world of Blackberry Crack-berries, I'm in a Pod's and And yes I'm an Droid's that we've forgotten the basics of human interruption?   Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip (I am not 50, just  I grew up in the country with no cable).  This my friends, is what I like to call "the checkout at Walmart."  I stood in the express line for 16 items or less, which in and of itself is a joke because people heed that sign like they do the seatbelt sign on an air plane (another rant for another time).  The woman in front of me in the long line was on her phone talking about things that really didn't need to be discussed at that exact moment.  Is Walmart really the place you need to broadcast your latest hair do for all the express check out to hear?  When she made her way up to the check out she continued to blather on about which celebrity was dating whom and whether red was the it colour of fall (really??).  She never once made eye contact with, spoke to or even remotely acknowledged the  woman on the till who  was ringing her through.  Now I'm not saying she needed to spill her whole life story to this woman, but a smile and a "how are you today" would have gone a long way.  Just imagine how that clerk felt, that this woman thought so little of her as another human being, that she couldn't put her phone down for 30 seconds while she was being rung through.  And maybe the woman on the phone was a lovely person who just didn't think about what she was doing, but that my friends is the problem these days.  It seems we are all so wrapped up in ourselves and our own priorities that our fellow man is nothing more then a hinderance in our way.

I will point to another example that irks the bejeezus out of me.  When someone holds a door open for you, in any capacity, how fracking hard is it to say thank you??  I can tell you that out of 10 times holding a door open, I will get the courtesy thank you about 50% of the time.  50%!  That means either 50% of people think they are so entitled that you should always hold the door for them, or they are just so absorbed in their own little world that they don't even notice.  I'm actually thinking it could be a little of column a and a little of column b in this scenario.  It boils my blood when it happens, but what can you do?  You can't say "hey get back here so I can let this door slam in your face!"  Well you could, but I'm not sure you'd get the desired result.   I have taken the typically Canadian passive aggressive attitude to deal with this and started muttering "you're welcome" in a haughty tone under my breath.  One day I might get the courage to say it at a decibel that is loud enough to be heard by more then just dogs, but that would make me as rude as they are.  To brazenly call them out in such a public way.  So instead I keep holding doors and muttering under my breath like I have a multiple personality thing going on.

I'd like to propose this to blog readers:  Remember, when you're out in public, you're not the only one there.  Hold a door, say thank you, move over to let the car merge onto the highway.  Try smiling at a stranger, but not in a creepy way.  Say 'hello,' again, don't do a creepy smile and say hello, that's not going to get the desired result either.  My point is, if we all just did even one nice deed a day for each other, that shows we acknowledge there is more to this crazy world then just ourselves and our agenda's, then maybe we'd all be happier and get along that much better.   It might even breed understanding and tolerance and who doesn't want that?  So lets all give it a try, all 123 of you who've taken the time to read my rants and raves.  It has to start somewhere so why not with us?

Cheers,

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Do you ever find yourself at the end of the day wondering what to have for dinner?  Well I do.   Sometimes I just lack the total and utter capability to come up with some kind of edible and nutritional meal.  I only add nutritional because anyone can scoop out 4 cups of ice cream and cover it with chocolate sauce, but lets be hones, that's sugar buzz isn't going to take you anywhere good.   The cycle always starts the same.  I come home, look in the fridge, and in spite of the fact that the fridge is full of food, I can not find one thing that seems worth my time.  Step two, check the pantry.  There's pasta and some tuna in cans, but really nothing I can work with.  So back to the fridge,  just incase there's something else in there that I missed the first time.  And so the dance goes on until finally I come up with some half baked solution for dinner, and I don't mean half baked as in I'm eating only partially cooked meals, I mean the outcome is usually questionable in its fundamentals, at best.

Recently I've been trying to be proactive in meal planning this is largely because I am just two lazy to come up with something on a nightly basis.   It works, but I find I spend all my time cooking on weekends so that I can eat during the week.  I feel like a squirrel trying to stash away nuts for the harsh winter ahead sometimes.  Unfortunately for me the harsh winter is only 5 days long and then I'm back to stashing nuts.

Which begs the question, with all the technology we have and everything we have made, why have we  not invented appliances that can cook for us.  Some kind of bluetooth, blackberry, mac apple hybrid that can whip up a batch of chill or fully roasted leg of lamb complete with salad and veggies?  Somebody needs to be getting on this.  I mean, just think about it.  It's not secret that obesity is a huge epidemic, and that we have become a fast food nation, but if you could simply say the word and have a healthy home cooked meal ready and waiting for you at home then maybe some of that unhealthy convenience eating could be curbed.  People I am on the verge of a brilliant plan, but don't have the means to produce it!  So if there happens to be any genius's out there reading this, please, please I beg of you to come up with this technology.  I'm tired of being chained to my kitchen appliances on Sunday.  I'd also like to ask for a cut of the profits, I mean it was my idea after all...

Well that's all for today.  Bon appetite!

 PS I'm leaving the cheers about because I think it would be redundant with the bon appetite.