Well it seems I was having a highly volatile emotional day yesterday. I was definitely feeling down and out, and while I do not feel the same today, I am still left feeling a mixture of things today.
As an update to what happened with my aforementioned date, after 4 days he sent me a message to say "how's your week going?" Actually it was almost more like 5 days since the message came very late in the evening. For some reason, instead of being relieved, I was extremely angry. Admittedly a lot of that was because of whatever wild hormonal, lunar experience I was going through, but in the light of a new day, where I am somewhat more rational, I still feel at a loss in this situation. My heart and my gut tell me this guy is just wasting my time. What I really feel, is that he spent those days of non-communication checking around to see if there was anyone else that was a better option, and when nothing came of that, he messaged me again. I don't expect him to be exclusive to me after two dates, but I also don't want to be made to be a fall back incase nothing better comes along. I deserve better. I also feel like there were some discrepancies in the relationship that were potential deal breakers. Fundamental things that you can't just compromise your way through. But there is another part of me that is worried that I am being too rash and blowing things way out of proportion. Is it possible that he thinks not messaging until late in the day, four days after our date, is actually totally normal? Is it possible he thinks everything is great? I mean how can he go from jamming his tongue in my mouth and cupping a breast to nothing for 4 days? So maybe he does think this is ok and progressing at a normal speed.
I honestly think my biggest issue right now is that I am pissed off about the delay in conversation because it makes me feel like he is just dicking me around. As I said in my previous post, it's not like this was an amazing date and I don't feel like this would probably be more then just a few weeks of casual dating because of the aforementioned deal breakers. So is it worth it to keep going out with him or are we both just wasting time? On the other hand, it's not like I have men banging down the door over here so what's the harm…. And then in the back of my mind I just can't get help but worry about what happens in 6 months or 12 months if I don't meet anyone else, will I regret my decision to call it off with this guy? Am I being rash? I just don't know what to do.
Why is it so complicated and why am I making it so complicated???
So tonight I'm signing off as confused and irritated. Hopefully I will have good news and fun stories for you soon.
Cheers,
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