9 PIES

Upstairs on my kitchen counter and in my freezer lay 9 freshly baked pumpkin pies for charity.  This is the reason for my late blog and total lack of ability to come up with something interesting and/or original to discuss.   So I will share the dream I had last night as a way to fill up space on today's blog.

The depravity of junk from the clean eating diet crept into my subconscious last night.  Yesterday there were cupcakes at work and I battled with my will power and won, but the true cost of this war was later reflected in my dreams.  I literally wept over a slice of red velvet cake in my sleep.  I was sobbing at a table full of people who looked mortified, to say the least.  The dream was so vivid I remember the feeling of total and utter grief over not having the chance to sample a slice of the that delicious cake.  I am quite certain that were I being recorded my distress over the imaginary cake would have been audible.

Hey look, a food theme has formed...

I have developed my own personal conspiracy theory on the whole gluten allergy epidemic.  Man has been eating gluten for hundreds, make that thousands of years, but isn't it strange how only in recent history gluten has turned on us. Gluten has become the enemy.  My theory is this:  the gluten epidemic seems to have made great strides in the last...... What the hell am I typing??  A conspiracy theory about gluten???  This is what my day has come to.

I could tell you about the dream I had 2 nights ago where the neighbour I am feuding with snuck into my garage while I was talking to another neighbour and tried to make off with my bbq and some lawn furniture until I busted him running down the street and started dropping the mother f'er like I was a sailor.   But I feel that my heart is just not into it and I don't want to give my readers a half assed blog.  I never want my readers to feel cheated in any way.

So I'll leave you with this: there is an old adage that says "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"  I think for me tonight, and as a rule in general it should read "If you can't say anything, don't say anything at all."  Yeah, it works on all kinds of levels, is your mind blown yet?  No?  Alright well maybe I'll see about lighting something on fire tomorrow in hopes of having something more exciting to blog about.

Cheers,
(I think this is the one I'm sticking with)

Oh and one other thing, I'd like to state for the record that no one should be shocked to hear that Jack Osbourne, or one of his colleagues from the TV show Haunted Highway got eaten or mauled by a wild animal.  In fact, I'm pretty much predicting right now that it will happen.