MONDAY, MONDAY

Whoa, what the what? Things got real up in this joint yesterday.  Okay enough of all that "who am I, what does the universe mean to me" stuff. Monday's arbitrary theme, that I may not stick to permanently, shall be health and exercise.

So in the sprit of getting healthy and loosing weight in an attempt to lure in a mate, I started something called the Eat Clean Diet.  Essentially it means removing the unnecessary crap from your diet, no sugar, no preservatives, no gluten, lower sodium.   I personally think the diet should be called The Hard Diet, but that's just me.  Ok, to be fair, I'm not finding it to be that hard.  The thing I'm struggling with the most is the no gluten because I love bread and pasta and pastry and everything gluten. But I've made my peace with it and have been doing very well so far, barring one misfortunate incident involving a medium cheese pizza.  I credit my decision to try this diet to a friend, who started it a week before me and has lost almost 10lbs. in a little less then 2 weeks.  Quite an inspiration, and I have to admit, that in the week that I've been doing this I am feeling better, more energetic and just generally less gross.  I have also noticed that my pants are getting quite loose.  So tonight when I went to the gym, I went straight to the scale to see my progress.  Long have the scale and I not seen eye to eye, which is ironic considering that it is my zodiac sign.  Last winter I nearly dragged my bathroom scale out to the road in a fit of rage, so I could run over it multiple times.  I am not proud to admit that there was very nearly a repeat performance of that full on temper-tantrum in the women's change room at Access Fitness.  The "scale" if it can even call itself that, claims that I have lost 3oz! 3oz!  Can you imagine my shock and horror.  I thought it was a joke, that someone was going to pop out from behind the wall and yell "smile you're on candid camera", which would have been incredibly inappropriate given that I was in a women's change room, but would have at least made me feel like my efforts were not in vane.  People I have even been packing a lunch for the last week!  I never make lunch!  Before I tried to wrestle the scale out into the parking lot so I could show it who's boss, I managed to see some reason.   This morning I was able to pull my jeans on without having to undo them, all my pants are fitting more loosely.  I am PMSing, it is Monday and I did eat an entire medium cheese pizza yesterday. There's a good chance I'm retaining water like a beluga whale in salt water.  Probably in a day or two there will be a different result.  There damned well better be a different result or I swear to god I will tie that mother f-ing scale to the back of my truck and drag it through the streets of town screaming like a banshee.

That sums up health for the week.  Now for the exercise segment of the blog.  If you find your gym routine is getting boring and you need to add a little kick to your work out, I suggest jumping on a treadmill and giving the slow motion run a try.  Just set the treadmill to the lowest setting and then strut your stuff 6 million dollar man style.  Make sure to exaggerate your arm and leg movements, and feel free to try some heavy breathing as though you're really working up a sweat.  I guarantee you'll get a reaction from your fellow gym-ees and there's a really good chance you might even find Youtube fame.  Who doesn't want that?