WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??

Alright people,

It's been a long time and I have a whole lot of crazy that's recently been bottled up.   To add fuel to that fire,  I'm two glasses of red wine in and I'm trapped at home because of a snow storm, instead of at a surprise birthday party for a friend and I'm feeling sorry for myself.

Long sigh....... Where to start....  For the last couple of weeks I've been submerging myself in the wonderful world of online dating yet again.  The holidays are approaching and I am feeling desperate and extra alone as I often do at this time of year.  Add to that, a slue of holiday events designed for couples, and the insecurity just mounts.  On top of that, a friend, who is the same age as me and, has long been on the single boat with me, has just met a wonderful guy and things are going well.  I am very happy for her, god knows she's had her fill of idiots.  Nevertheless, I find myself, ironically, alone at being alone, and it has pushed the panic button into nuclear meltdown mode.

So I started messaging a few people which quickly dwindled to two people, neither of which was ideal.  The first is a gentlemen close to my age who has a decent job and we seem to have common interest.  The down side is he is random with his messages, maybe 2-3 days before he responds, which leads me to believe is he not really that interested in anything real.  He made no attempt to ask me out or ask for my phone number, and when I finally did give him my cell so we could text, he simply said "sure I'll text you" and still there is no text.  If you really aren't that into it, don't string someone along.  Nobody wants to have their time wasted.

Which leads me to gentleman number two, or as I am now calling him, the worst date I ever had.  It was a gamble and I knew that going in.  He is a 24 year old smoker.  I was not crazy about the large age difference, and I was even less crazy about the smoking.  I figured it was worth a date, you never know.  It's like trying on a shirt at the store that you think is not your style and you'd never wear, but you try it anyway just to see.  Sometimes the shirt turns out to be unexpectedly perfect.  Other times you put it on and it turns out to be a straightjacket that's made out of steel wool.   As you can imagine from the tone of this blog, the latter was the result of my "outside the box" dating.

It never ceases to amaze me how people can be so seemingly normal online.  They can message back and forth and say the right things to make them seem so totally and utterly average, with an average job, average lifestyle and interests that compliment yours.  Then you meet them and its as though the person you've been talking too has been abducted and replaced by some clone from opposite world!  My 24 year old smoker turned out to be practically homeless.  I am not exaggerating.  He lives in boarding house with 6-8 other men at any given time.  He spent the majority of the date asking me how he could get a job with the company I work for and hoping he could use me as an in!  He actually couldn't even afford to buy a coffee, and I can only assume by his bodily odours, that the shower and soap situation at the boarding house was non-existent.  Not to mention his total and utter lack of social skills.

Now look it, don't get all high and mighty that I am picking on someone who is less fortunate them me. I didn't grow up a millionaire, my family had some major trials to over come when my dad lost his job and we had to rely on my mom's income while my dad went back to school.  These were not easy times and I have a great deal of sympathy for those who are struggling, especially in these difficult times.  I am grateful for what I have and because I have it I donate a lot of my time and my money to helping those who are in need.

The issue here is the dishonesty this person displayed blatantly in our messages back and forth.  So much so that I drove nearly an hour to meet him only to discover he had ulterior motives and totally misrepresented himself.  As if the date wasn't bad enough, when I got home he tried to message me again as though he thought there was nothing wrong with how things went.  When I politely told him that I wished him the best of luck with his career and to "take care."  He responded with "Take care, are you trying to say something by that?"  Well, no shit Sherlock!!!  Please re-evaluate your behaviour!

Now, as if that's not bad enough, tonight I got home to find a message waiting for me from a new guy.  I guy I had seen before and who, once again, seemed nice and normal and possibly a decent potential.  It quickly went of the rails when it became clear he was looking for someone to dominate him in a sexual manner.  There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, in my profile to suggest that I am looking to rein-act any scenes from 50 Shades of Grey in reversed role.  

It frightens me to no end that these are the guys I keep meeting.  Is it a reflection of me? Do I put out some kind of crazy signal, like the bat signal?  Is it just some giant test that I have to go through in order to meet the right person? Or worse, is this all that's left?

I don't know the answer, and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep looking for it.  Here is to hoping that 2013 will bring with it a cleansing of the crazies.

By the way, Rob Ford is a dirt bag idiot and should never have been elected mayor.  Sorry, I'm watching the news and I'm all fired up now...

Cheers,