People, it's Friday night and I've had a couple of glasses of red wine (as if there's any other kind) and it finally occurred to me what my subject matter for my new blog post should be. It came to me in the form of a ridiculous H&M commercial, which is probably fodder for an entirely different blog, but I digress. I am no stranger to the land of retail, as you've probably noticed by now. For instance, just last week I made an impromptu, and somewhat long distance, trip to a store that I occasionally frequent for jeans, on the whimsy of a 40% discount I received via e-mail (oooo Lordy, thank god for spell check because it just took me about 5 minutes to figure out why my macbook was highlighting "received" for miss spelling, and I don't even want to tell you how much trouble "because" caused.) Now I'm watching this absurd commercial for a "biker jacket" being sported by a 16 year old anorexic model with bleach blond hair who has probably never even ridden a peddle bike, let alone a motorcycle.
Albeit the commercial is preposterous, but, as I said already, that is the least of my concerns. My issue stems from the arrangement of clothing at the H&M store, which seems to be modelled after my arch nemesis Winners. Look it, shopping is meant to be therapeutic, relaxing and an all around enjoyable experience. You know what I don't find relaxing or enjoyable in the least? Hunting for clothes. This is not an African safari people. If I find a sweater I like, I want all the sweaters to be in the same location, from extra small up to jumbo-saurus. I do not wish to stalk my prey through wracks of clothes which have already been picked over and relocated to inappropriate locations. You know what I mean, you find the fabulous pants you wanted on your size wrack only to discover that some freakish nymph who wears a size 0 (size 0, really?? What's next negative sizes??) decided she no longer wanted the fabulous chords and hung them willy-nilly in the size 14 aisle only for you to discover them, and for a brief moment, be elated to have found them in your size until you realize the sick and twisted truth. A let down of epic proportions.
And they always put out those teaser displays at the entrance where they have the best of the best of their new collection, but only three to peruse through so that they peak your interest and send you on the hunt, like a shark catching the scent of blood. I say no more fellow shoppers!! This madness must end! For centuries clothing has been organized by style and size in an orderly fashion making it easy to find what you are looking for, or at the very least ending the anticipation of whether or not that satin mango blouse is in fact available in your size, rather then searching feverishly in hopes that the shirt has been "miss-filed." Let us band together to end this cruelty and rally around the stores that provide us with a simple and satisfying shopping experience. Yes, I say shoppers unite!! Bring this calamity to an end once and for all, let there be order amongst the chaos!!
And if you really must hunt for something try finding tahini at your local grocer. I promise you, the challenge will more then fulfil that killer instinct.
Cheers,
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