Some days, no matter how hard you try to keep an up beat positive outlook on the world, things just transpire to evict you out of your happy place.
Today at lunch I had a misadventure. My lunch only took a half an hour and I had another 30 minutes to kill. I decided to be proactive and take a trip to the grocery store for the last 30 minutes of lunch, (20 by the time I got there and finished rocking out to The Bare Naked Ladies "Brian Wilson" in the parking lot) saving myself a trip at the end of the day. I grabbed a basket and gathered the few items I needed, few enough that standing behind a cart full of groceries seemed unnecessary, but not few enough that I could hit the express lane. So I picked a lane with only one woman who had approximately the same amount of items as I had. Unfortunately for me she turned out to be trying out for the TV show Extreme Couponing. If I was casting that show I would have had to turn her down, because, believe it or not, she was doing it wrong. If you're going to use coupons for every single item you've placed on the grocery conveyor belt it is best to check to make sure the coupons are valid!! Finally she gets to the part where one typically pays for their groceries and then leaves, she somehow manages to scramble the debit machine causing it to require a restart. As if this isn't enough, after the debit machine has restarted and she is about to pay, she remembers her points card and that she has a $5 credit on it and she'd like the clerk to cancel it all so she can redeem her points. MOTHER F*&%ER!!!! Are you kidding me??? I will give you $5 dollars if you just take your tide and cat food and go home!!
But the madness doesn't end there friends, ohhhhhh nooooo. It's my turn now and somehow the chicken has no price tag on it so the meat boy must be summoned to do a price check. While I'm waiting for the meat boy to return, the weirdo behind me starts making the same joke over and over again "the chicken has no price, it must be free" and "I though it was free chicken day today," and he wouldn't stop until someone acknowledged him. His joke was not funny or clever. For god's sake if you were trying to be clever "free range chicken" would have been the way to go, it's right there!! Then after the poor clerk gives him a polite smile he begins to ask her why they designed the grocery conveyor belt the way they did, specifically why it narrows as it approaches the cashier. This girl looks like she is a high school student trying to earn some extra cash. On what planet would she possibly know why the grocery conveyor belt was designed the way that it was?? Thanks be to Vishnu the meat boy returned with my chicken, price tag and all and finally I could go.
That's pretty much where this story ends. It was a full 20 minutes of ridiculous three-ring-circus type action and I am still trying to determine if I'll be seeing myself on a candid camera show at some time in the future.
I guess that's all for today,
Cheers
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